


Just some Ruscanpan(Russia x Canada x Japan) or RAN as I like to call it, oneshots/short stories

by youeitherseeitoryoudont



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fae, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anorexia, Chubby Russia, Eating Disorders, Fae & Fairies, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love at First Sight, M/M, Magic, Medieval Festival, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Out of Character, Out of Character Canada (Hetalia), Out of Character Japan (Hetalia), Out of Character Russia (Hetalia), Polyamorous Character, Polyamorous Russia, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, alfred has a boyfriend, background Kimchiburger, best friends japan and america, chubby but muscular russia, fae festival, its yong soo, no beta we die like men, oneshots, polyamorous Japan, polyamorous canada, ruscanpan, russia does underage drinking, self starvation, suicidal japan, they're total bros
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youeitherseeitoryoudont/pseuds/youeitherseeitoryoudont
Summary: Some shortish Ruscanpan writing I've done
Relationships: Canada/Japan (Hetalia), Canada/Russia (Hetalia), Japan/Russia (Hetalia), Russia/Canada/Japan (Hetalia)
Kudos: 27





	1. Valentines Day Sunflowers & Dates

Ivan Braginsky stepped into the busy classroom silently, adjusting his scarf on his neck before closing the door behind himself. He nervously fidgets with the sunflowers he had behind his back. Taking a deep breath he moves through the crowded, loud classroom his tall figure wrapped in his long tag overcoat. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took a deep breath as I made my way through the crowd. I looked around for Kiku and Matvey(Matthew). Kiku was standing with his friends, Feli and Ludwig, but it looked as though Kiku was just listening in. He looked almost nervous about something. I couldn’t see Matvey anywhere, so I concluded that the Canadian had yet to arrive. I slip my way over to Kiku’s desk and nervously place the one golden yellow sunflower on his desk. I really hope he likes it.  
I move towards Matvey’s desk, nobody had batted an eye at me, and for that I was glad. I place the second golden yellow sunflower onto his desk, before quickly hurrying back to mine. I remove my bag and place it on the ground beside me before going to look around the classroom. Kiku had now pulled his phone out and was texting, a look of worry and anxiety all across his face. I hoped his worries would go away soon.

I let my mind wander and I thought to the two boys I’m so very in love with. Matvey, the shy, ignored Canadian with a younger brother who has enough ego for both of them. Matvey is strong, even if he appears to be scrawny. And then there his boyfriend. Kiku Honda. Kiku is short but adorable but has some real agility and strength. They are both very cute in my opinion. And I had a crush on them both, hence the flowers.  
The sound of the door swinging open and smalling into the wall snaps me back to attention. It was Alfred, Mavety’s younger brother. Matvey slips into the room behind him. Relief flows onto Kiku’s face at the sight of his boyfriend. Kiku leaves Ludwig's desk to go greet his boyfriend with a kiss on the cheek. Matvey whispers something into Kiku’s ear, and points to Alfred, who was currently attempting to as Arthur out with some flowers. I would’ve chuckled at the sight if it were a private place. Kiku links hands with his boyfriend, whispers something in his ear, and points to my sunflowers on their desks. My heart drops to my stomach, I’m terrified of what might happen next. I bury my face into my coat, not wanting to see any more.  
There’s a tap on my shoulder, I don’t want to look up but I do. My eyes meet Kiku’s, who is holding out my flower to me, Matvey standing behind the shorted male. They must be returning them.  
“Oh, returning my sunflowers now, Da?” I say, trying to keep my usual tone hoping they wouldn't notice the disappointment in my voice. They both blink at me, confused.  
“You gave these to us?” Matvey asks in his quiet voice. I nod quickly. Kiku’s expression changes from confusion to an expression I could never describe.  
“Oh no no we were not returning the sunfrowers. We figured it was somebody erse and we wanted to ask you out on a date with us. But we’rr keep them if they came from you an-”  
Kiku stops his rambling when Matvey sets his hand on his shoulder.  
“What he’s trying to say is, would you like to go out with us?” he says softly, with hopeful eyes.  
I stared at them, my mouth hanging open slightly. “You,, want to go on date? With me?” I manage to stutter out.  
“Hai.” Kiku says. Both their faces are red and I’m sure mine is too. Matvey nods to back him up.  
“Well, if you really mean it, and this isn't some sick joke. Da! I will go out with you two,” I pause “I really like you two” I add on at the end silently. All of our faces were a deep red colour.  
“Ivan,” Kiku says softly “courd we hug you?”  
I nod “Da, you can.” I feel their warm embrace all around as I close my eyes.  
We’re startled out of the hug when the bell rings. They head back to their spots, but there was a little slip of paper on my desk.  
I open it up and find in Matvey’s neat printing, two phone numbers. I smile down at it.  
“Oi! Whatcha' smiling at commie?” Alfred says loudy to me. I just brush him off and turn my attention to the front of the class excited for what might come once we are free from class.


	2. They-A Dodie Songfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!!  
> Woo I did it!  
> Warnings!  
> This chapter(whatever thing) induces self harm, attempted suicide, and hints at an eating disorder. It also induces underage drinking and a hospital. 
> 
> Now!  
> Some terms/words I use that you might not know what they are.  
> Sushki- A Russian bread ring eaten for dessert  
> Double Double- A Canadian coffee that you get from Tim Hortons. Has two cream and two sugar instead of the usual one  
> Wakizashi- A Japanese short sword  
> Soju- A typically South Korean variation on vodka traditionally made from rice but more commonly from sweet potatoes, is alcoholic drink

Am I allowed to look at them like that?

Kiku’s longing gaze falls on the couple, Matthew and Ivan. He wanted them both, but he wasn't even sure if it were allowed. 

Could it be wrong?

‘But it’s disgusting to like men, let alone two of them’ a voice retaliated. But was it wrong? Kiku wondered.

When they’re just so nice to look at.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, and returned to watching the pair, hand in hand. Kiku was short compared to the two of them, but he didn’t mind.

And they smell like lemongrass and sleep. 

Kiku had been hugged by Ivan and Matthew once, it was nice to be held in Ivan’s chubby but strong arms, and Matthew’s seemingly skinny but still very muscular arms. It was nice while it had lasted.   
Matthew smelled of Maple Syrup, Flowers, Coffee, Popcorn and salt. An odd set of smells but it just fit him so well. Kiku knew that he smelled of Maple Syrup due to him consuming the substance at least every other day. Flowers he wasn't so sure, but he suspected that Matthew had a few flower plants growing in his room. Coffee was due to the fact that he had a cup of coffee, every morning, without fail. Kiku knew that Matthew liked popcorn, he’d mentioned it a couple times. But no matter what Kiku could not figure out why he smelled of salt.   
Ivan smelled of Rye Bread, Flowers, Sushki, Milk, and tea bags. Kiku knew that Ivan smelt of Rye Bread because he lived, and worked in a bakery and Flowers because he spent so much time around Matthew, Kiku assumed. To be honest Kiku didn’t know why Ivan smelt of Milk and Rye Bread, but he did. Kiku loved the smells anyways.  
It was comforting that they smelled like everyday objects, easier to pretend that he was with them instead of not. 

They taste like apple juice and peach.

Kiku had always imagined that they tasted the same as they smelt.   
Matthew would taste of Maple, Coffee, and Salt. A strange combination but Kiku found himself imagining that he would enjoy it. Kiku imagined that Ivan would taste of Rye Bread, Sushki, and Milk. 

Oh you would find them in a polaroid picture.

Kiku swung his locker open, and his eyes land on a polaroid photo hanging on it. He smiles softly as he stares at it. It is the only handheld image he had of Matthew and Ivan, of course they two are not the only ones in the photo, but Kiku treasured it all the same. He recalled that day so clearly, Alfred and Matthews birthday party. It had happened a few months back, over the summer Kiku loved the small smile worm and Matthew face, as Ivan was holding him in his arms, with his signature large grin on his face. Kiku was in the image as well, as was Alfred and Yong Soo. If Kiku had taken a moment longer to look at the photo he might have noticed the two boys, weren't looking at the camera but were instead looking at him. 

And they mean everything to me.

The pair meant the world to KIku, even if they never knew that. And even if he couldn't have them, he would treasure the moments he had with them from the rest of his life. He started at the couple, longingly but content. Alfred watched his friend with worried sad eyes. Kiku noticed him and smiled before turning his attention to the front of the class, if only he had looked back again, he would’ve seen that he was not the only one admiring from afar. 

I’ll never tell, no I’d never say a word.

“Come on Kiku! Just tell them” Alfred says in a loud whisper rolling over to face Kiku. 

Kiku tries to turn away blushing but he cant turn far without rolling off the bed the two boys were currently crammed into. “No” He say.

“Whattt. Come on dude! Matthew and Ivan aren't going to hate you over it. You should tell them.”

“Arfred I said no, I don't want to ruin what they’ve arready got. Prease, ret it go.” Kiku says with a slight annoyance creeping into his voice. Alfred sighed but gave in, so they lay there in silence. Kiku whispered something so quiet you might have thought you imagined it. “If you terr Yong Soo about how you feer, I’rr tell them how I feer.”  
Alfred stumbles over his words “I uh dude really?” Kiku nods. “Fine, it's a deal.”

And oh, it aches, But it feels oddly good to hurt.

Kiku steps into the bathroom that he’d avoided for so long and it hurts him. The memories rushing back to him, the blood, Alfred, everything. He remembers sitting down on the floor tears streaming down his face, pulling the knife out of his bag and just tearing himself open. That was a day where Kiku showed a lot of emotion. And suddenly, today, he found himself sitting down, with the same knife, and doing it all over again. But he was careful.   
This time he knew Alfred wouldn't come barging in saying that the teacher wanted him back in class. He wouldn’t have to see Ivan and Matthews worried faces, more worried then Alfred. He wouldn't be rushed to the hospital and trapped there for days. He wouldn't be caught again.   
So he sat there on the floor of his school bathroom, tearing himself open again, small tears falling from his eyes. He glanced at the weapon, his own hands were bloodied, and he knew he needed to get back to class. So he cleaned himself up, dried his eyes and returned to class as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't been gone for ages, as if he hadn't been crying. But he found himself returning to that bathroom more often then he’d like to admit. Not that he ever told anyone he went there anyways. But Kiku found himself knowing, that if he were to die young, he was to die in this bathroom. 

And he smells like lemongrass and sleep.

Ivan had hugged him randomly today, it stung his cuts but he pretended it didn't hurt at all. Kiku liked being in that warm embrace, that smelled of tea bags, flowers rye bread, and a smell he couldn't name. He loved it so much. Matthew watched the pair and smiled to himself before joining into the hug. Kiku smelt of Sakura, Pollen, a few other smells that couldn't be named, and one final smell that didn’t sit right with either of the boys. But for new, they would enjoy the moment. Alfred would be lying if he said that he didn't take a few photos because he totally did. 

He tastes like apple juice and peach.

Matthew leaned his head down into the hug, he was so close to Kiku he could also tase him. It was a soothing smell, and a wonder to imagine how he would tase. 

You would find them in a polaroid picture.

Alfred bounded up to Kiku and handed him a polaroid photo. Kiku blinked before staring at the photo. “I uh, how did you get this photo Arfred?” He glanced back down at it. It was Matthew holding Ivan in his arms, they were both sleeping soundly. They looked peaceful.   
“We share a room dude do you know how easy this was to get.” Alfred replied. Kiku remained silent as he tucked the image into his bag.  
“Werr then, thank you. I guess”

And I'll be okay, Admiring from afar.

Kiku told Alfred he was content just watching the pair be happy together. He was lying, he thinks. Kiku didn't feel much anymore, nothing but the longing for the sweet release of death, love and longing. So when he felt this strong longing to be with the pair, he called that content. Alfred looked as though he didn't believe him but he didn't say anything. Kiku didn't know how to feel about that. So he tried to not feel. Of course that didn't work but he tried.   
Kiku had considered just calling off going to school entirely, but then he wouldn't be able to see Matthew and Ivan, so he kept going. Just for them, only for them. Everything was for them, and probably in vain he thought. But again he keeps on missing the people who admire him from afar. 

'Cause even when they’re next to me, We could not be more far apart.

Alfred was having a sleepover and he forced Kiku to come. ‘Its for your own good’ he reasoned, ‘besides Ivan is coming over to join us.’ so Kiku gave in. And of course, they went swimming. Because Alfred has a pool in his backyard, he's just that awesome. Kiku tries to avoid getting into the water at any cost, but Alfred and Yong Soo threaten to throw him in, so he reluctantly changes into a long sleeved swim shirt and his swim trunks.   
He also tried avoiding looking at Matthew and Ivan, who were both shirtless, like everybody except him of course. KIku’s face was flushed slightly red and his cuts stung in the chlorine but he pretended everything was fine. Matthew and Ivan appeared to be off in their own little world, no matter how close to them he swam. He felt distanced from them, but that wasn't unusual. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around Kiku’s midsection, then lifted him off the ground. Alfred chucked before yelling “VIBE CHECK” and tossing Kiku right at Yong Soo. Kiku collided with Yong Soo and felt his skin pull. Some of his cuts had opened back up. He hissed in pain and kicked himself up to the surface. The water was starting to tint red with KIku’s blood. And Alfred noticed.   
So off they went Alfred taking Kiku away to clean him up, and Kiku trying to stop him because he knew how this would end. Alfred sat him down atop the counter and pulled a first aid kit out. He looked over Kiku, checking his legs for cuts before declaring “Take off your shirt.” Kiku just sat there blankly, unresponsive. “Fine then I'm taking it off myself.” Alfred’s hands find the hem of Kiku’s shirt pulling it up. Kiku lifts his arms so Alfred can remove the shirt easier. Alfred gasps in shock at the sight before him.   
Cuts of every size littered Kiku’s chest, arms, everywhere. “Oh, Kiku”. Kiku just hangs his head silently as Alfred tries to stay calm. “You said you would do it again,,, You said you were getting better Kiku what happened? Why do you do this to yourself?” His voice is soft and pleading and tears well up in his eyes. Kiku just shrugs and blood drips from the reopened cuts. Alfred sighs sadly and begins to clean the cuts. Each and every one. “You need to take better care of yourself dude. I mean it.” Kiku just stares at him numb to the world. “I think its time we all stopped swimming yeah?” Alfred says while putting away the medical supplies.   
Kiku nods and Alfred smiles. “I won't tell anybody.”

And they taste like birthday cake and story time and fall.

Whenever the fall came around KIku noticed that Matthew's hair got darker, like the changing of leaves. Fall had always been Matthews favourite season, and it lead right into winter, Ivan’s favourite season.   
It was Mei’s birthday today, so Ivan’s mother had baked a cake for her, and he brought it to class. So now the class was enjoying cake. Well, most of the class was enjoying their cake. Kiku hadn't even taken a slice of cake, he didn't deserve it after all.   
And even so he couldn't help but think of how Ivan and Matthew would taste if he kissed them right now. They’d taste of birthday cake. Kiku was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice the four pairs of worried eyes that watched him. 

But to them, I taste of nothing at all

Kiku was right, he would die in that bathroom. Here he was on culture day, about to put his wakizashi through his throat. His body was already bleeding out, he’d been gone for too long. Somebody would come looking for him. His phone was heavy in his hands, he pressed send on his final message to everyone, of course it was going to Alfred, so he’d have to show everyone.   
Kiku thought about his siblings, friends, everybody. And he was ready to go. He didn't matter to them anyways, so why bother living for them.   
Kiku raised the wakizashi up, it was heavy in his hand but it felt right. He could hear his phone going off, Alfred had seen the text. Kiku knew he didn't have long. So he did what he’d wanted to do for so long. The wakizashi drove into his throat. It felt nice. Kiku leaned against the wall, his phone falling from his hand. His vision became speckled with black dots, and he smiled. This was it. He closed his eyes and waited, the blood running down his throat felt good.   
Then he heard the sirens, and then he heard Alfred. 

And he smells like lemongrass and sleep.

The hospital doesn’t smell good. That's Matthew's first thought.   
He squeezes Ivan’s hand and looks around the waiting room they sit in, with Alfred and Yong Soo. It smells of medicine and bad food.   
Arthur walks into the waiting room holding a tray of drinks and Matthew almost lets out a sigh of relief. Arthur hands Yong Soo a Soju and Alfred a milkshake. Alfred takes it from him and wipes his tears away before slowly sipping on it. Matthew couldn't help but notice that his brothers hand and Yong Soo’s were intertwined between the pair. Arthur handed Matthew his Double Double. He let out a sigh of relief and sipped it. Arthur hands Ivan a bottle full of clear liquid that Matthew assumes is water.   
He’s stopped crying now, and he calls that a good thing. The room is filled with the scent of their drinks now, downing out the disgusting hospital smell. 

He tastes like apple juice and peach.

Kiku opened his eyes, it was bright, much too bright. The steady beat of his heart rang out though the monitor. He sits up and a nurse looks up and smiles at him. “Glad your awake Kiku, I’m Katyusha. You have some visitors, I’ll let them know you're awake.” Katyusha left the room, before returning moments later.   
She opened the door and in entered Alfred. His own hand was laced with Yong Soo’s. His eyes expressed deep worry and concern, but the started to well up with tears of joy and love. His hand slipped from Yong Soo’s grasp and he threw himself at Kiku. Kiku let out a gasp when Alfreds arms wrapped around him, he sat ridgid for a moment, before settling into the hug, closing his eyes.   
Ivan and Matthew entered the room next, and waited for the hug to break apart, Arthur slipping into the room behind them. Alfred pulled away and looked Kiku in the eyes. His expression meant nothing to others but to Kiku, it meant so many things. And to Alfred, Kiku’s expression meant the world. Kiku was sorry that he’d ever tried that again and Alfred saw it in his eyes. They were both happy.   
Alfred stood up and moved away from the hospital bed. Kiku looked up to everyone in the room, his own brown eyes meeting Matthew's violet ones. Matthew's hand dropped from Ivan's as he hands him his almost finished Double Double. He stepped towards the bed, eyes beginning to water.   
"What were you thinking Kiku! I understand that your hurting but you could've talked to any of us! And the doctors said you had been starving yourself! Kiku that's not good! Or healthy! You could've- should've talked to us about this! We could've helped you! Do you know how worried we all are. You could've died!" Matthews arms moved everywhere is desperate hand signals, tears welling up in his eyes. He had moved to the edge of the bed. "Do you know how worried we- I was? Alfred cried Kiku! He cried! He never cries! I was so worried, you could've fucking died Kiku! I could've lost you. We could've lost you!" And with that, Matthew grabbed the front of KIku's hospital gown and kissed him.   
Kiku's eyes were wide with shock, his body rigid. Kiku finally regained his senses and pushed Matthew away.  
"But you,,, and Ivan. Why?" He manages to stutter out. His face was a bright red. Ivan joins Matthew beside the bed.  
"We like you Kiku, would you like to, join our relationship?" Kiku was in shock, but he manages to nod his head. He's smiling and all is well. 

Oh, you would find them in a polaroid picture.

Alfred slipped out of his boyfriend, Yong Soo’s grap. It was late at night, around 1AM. His brother and his boyfriends were sleeping peacefully on the other side of the room. Alfred checked to himself as he grabbed his Polaroid Camera. He makes his way across the room. Holding the camera up he silently snaps a photo of the three. Kiku’s eyes flutter open at the flash and he meets Alfred's eyes. Kiku smiles at him with a slight shake of his head before closing his eyes again. Alfred sets the camera back down and returns to his boyfriends arms drifting off to sleep. 

Yes, they mean everything to me.

Kiku sat on the picnic blanket watching his boyfriends play Pochi, their dog. His fingers fidgeting with the two rings that sat inside his pocket. He was nervous, but he knew they would say yes, after all they loved him so much. And he loved them too. They were his world, and he was truly happy with them. 

They mean everything to me.

Kiku was so glad we could wake up every morning, in his husbands arms. He was so glad for those little kisses they shared. He was glad for them. Ivan and his warm hugs and cuddles. Matthew and his protective embrace. Them. Kiku was happy with his life. They all were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my Madalyn who gave me endless support and love while writing this. You were one of my soul motivators for this, thank you.


End file.
